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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23750353">warmth (on a lone iceberg)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Figure Skating RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Study, Developing Friendships, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heartache, Heartbreak, M/M, Pining, Shoma Uno-centric, Shoma sweetie what have you gotten yourself into, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:09:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,253</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23750353</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shoma can’t understand why he feels a burn in his chest. He attributes it to the chocolate cake he got from Mihoko-sensei and thinks that he should work it off. He could always catch Yuzuru another time.</p><p>-</p><p>Shoma discovers his first love and discovers that his feelings are his, and his alone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu, Yuzuru Hanyu &amp; Shoma Uno, Yuzuru Hanyu/Shoma Uno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>warmth (on a lone iceberg)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>GPF and JGPF 2014</p><p>Shoma may be an introvert, but that doesn’t mean he’s socially inept, at least, he hopes not. </p><p>Backstage, observing all the adults around him with a hundred years more experience than him, he wishes that Keiji or even Itsuki was here. He doesn't want to disturb the peaceful balance all the senior skaters have. It seems like everyone knows absolutely everyone and they all float around each other, slinging their arms around each other and bursting into fits of laughter over nothing. He imagines Keiji being here and laughing at how stiff he looks, and imagines jabbing him for his hypocritical behaviour. He imagines Itsuki being here attempting to cheer him up with the idea of going out for grilled beef later, then giving up and speaking loudly to everyone else in perfect English out of pure spite when Shoma stares at him blankly.</p><p>Shoma likes his small circle of friends. As a junior, he didn't feel like befriending future competition will help him, especially since they’d all merely see him as the tiny short kid with flailing arm movements like a misguided cat. So he sucks it up and puts on his best poker face. Being lonely for one competition’s gala won’t hurt. Besides, even if he tried to befriend someone, his naturally awkward demeanour combined with disgustingly sad English and dry conversation skills would all laugh in his face.  Also, Mihoko-sensei promised him chocolate cake, and that would certainly make him feel much less lonely.</p><p>Some trashy pop comes on and all the skaters begin to shuffle out in a line. Shoma is near the back, absently fiddling with his fingers as the cold hits him. </p><p>He wants a nap. He’s cold.</p><p>He performs the choreography as diligently as he can with the blinding lights baking him alive and does his laps around the arena. He’s pleasantly surprised when he sees a little girl in the crowd waving a shoddily put together banner with his name on it, an oddly endearing moment for his tense self. He slowly completes his last lap, albeit a bit distracted by the surprise. He’s left rushing to join back with the others as the song draws to a close, gathering in the centre with everyone else. Everyone is grinning like there’s no tomorrow and hugging each other to take a cute group photo. Shoma is barely in it, standing at the edge looking like a scarecrow made by a depressed 5 minute crafts employee coming up with video ideas.</p><p>No one has his arms around him. He’s still cold.</p><p>His smile drops after the flash of the camera. Everyone separates, going off in different directions as the music decides to go electronic, so electronic that Shoma can feel the bass drop in his skates as it shakes the ice. A little unsure of what to do, he sighs, looking back down at his costume to make sure he hadn’t torn anything. He knows he's supposed to take a photo with the other winners but he doesn’t see any photographer, and the rink has never felt more large yet empty. Defeated, he chewed on his lower lip and made small movements towards the exit. Suddenly, he heard a voice.</p><p>“Shoma! Shoma, wait!” the voice called out. Shoma turned around and saw his senior Yuzuru Hanyu, skating towards him frantically like a lost puppy. He had had some good conversations with him before, podiumed with him once, and most importantly, the man was also you know, exactly what he wanted to be as a skater. Also, he spoke Japanese. And he was maybe a little pretty. A little. </p><p>Relief washed over Shoma’s face as he tried to contain his excitement, deciding to go for a polite wave. Yuzuru, having no sense of personal space, wraps his arms around him and pulls him in tightly. It all happens so fast and Shoma is hyperventilating but that is okay. It’s the most beautiful man he’s ever known. With his arms around him. He’s confused as hell but he’s not complaining. It’s also the first person he’s talked to all day outside of his coaches, so he can’t help the little smile that creeps up on his face.</p><p>“Good job on your win! You did so good out there, idiot. I’m so proud. I remember little Shoma in his ugly green costume and seeing you now all grown up is amazing!” Yuzuru starts rambling, still not letting go of Shoma. Shoma looks up at him through his bangs and pouts at the cheeky smile on Yuzuru’s face. </p><p>“Congratulate or insult me, pick one…” he mutters, looking away. “Thank you though, I was a little nervous.” he adds as an afterthought, trying to keep the conversation going. Yuzu finally lets go of him and ruffles his hair.</p><p>“You can say you were super nervous you know,” Yuzu teases as Shoma rolled his eyes. “although I guess your sort of…insensitivity is really a good thing. I’m almost jealous!” he laughs. Shoma creases his eyebrows and looks Yuzuru in the eye. They have a mini staring contest until Yuzu loses it and lets out a goat sounding guffaw. Shoma lets out a small giggle at his senior’s antics. At the sound of his giggle, Yuzu is on his feet again. “Finally! You laughed! You’ve been looking stiff this whole time,”</p><p>Shoma’s eyes widen. “Have I? I guess I should work on that…I’m feeling good though. Great.”</p><p>Yuzu’s eyes narrow and he moves a bit closer to Shoma. He leans in close to Shoma’s face and whispers, “Are you really good?”</p><p>“Why do you ask? I’m…fine. Okay, not good or bad.”</p><p>Blunt as ever but somehow trying to seem sweet, Yuzuru asks, “Are you lonely?”</p><p>“Way to be kind Yuzu-kun…” Shoma states, affronted, but decides to be a little honest and nods shyly. Yuzuru’s gaze softens and he takes Shoma’s hand in a surprisingly intimate gesture.</p><p>“Entering seniors was really awkward for me too you know? No one wanted to talk to the weird lanky boy with a bad accent.” he told Shoma quietly. Shoma blushed a little at how close Yuzu seems to be getting despite them not being this close before. </p><p>He’s still holding his hand. It’s really warm.</p><p>“It just takes time for people to warm up to you. The community is honestly so loving and dedicated, and slowly I’m sure you’ll be able to find connections. I was lucky to find someone who cared for me, and I’m sure you will find many who will for you.”</p><p>“I do want to…I do want to find others, but I don’t want to inconvenience them. I don’t think they really want to talk to me, this bland little boy. I don’t even know how to start. Besides, I’m fine with my group of friends back at home, and my coaches and stuff…"</p><p>Yuzu let out a petulant whine as he swayed Shoma’s hand from side to side. “No self deprecating talk in this house! And if you don’t know how to start, I can help you!”</p><p>They both look at each other for a moment in silence before Yuzu sighed. “Look on the bright side. You’re now officially the best male junior skater and you got a personal best! You’ve worked so hard and you should celebrate. And now, you have me! Hello! Bonjour! Hola! You have me, the olympic champion, who’s going to introduce you to everyone at the banquet!”</p><p>“I’m grateful but I don’t want to bother you. Also please not everyone everyone, I just want my bed-“</p><p>“Rude, you’re being coddled and entertained by the Olympic champion and you refuse him?”</p><p>“Sorry that my basic bodily need to rest is handicapping me.”</p><p>“I, the supreme senior skater, give you all my love and affection, and you treat me like this?"</p><p>“Good sir, how far is the stick up your ass?”</p><p>The duo both burst out laughing at that, a warm atmosphere enveloping them. Shoma missed this relaxed energy, the comforting feeling of being able to joke freely and speak your mind with a real, true friend. Shoma is about to continue when Evgenia waves at them from across the rink, gesturing to the camera.</p><p>“Oh, it’s time for our photo, almost forgot. Let’s go,” Yuzu says, tugging Shoma’s hand as they go to shoot their photo as the respective winners of their divisions. Shoma stood on the left side, a blonde woman clad in blue he has no clue the name of next to him. He shuffled awkwardly next to her and he felt everyone’s eyes on him. He tries to detract from the situation and puts on his best smile, looking at the camera and praying that no one was laughing at him. Right before the click of the camera, Yuzuru grabbed his hand once more and put it on the girls’s shoulder. He then let go of his hand and slung his arm around Shoma. Shoma barely concealed an undignified squeal as the camera clicks. The audience roared and the music started up again, switching to a funky jazz track Barry B Benson would be proud of. Ignoring the mess that was the music selection, Shoma began skating away. </p><p>Looking back, he took another glance at his senior, who was waving to the audience. In his pretty blue outfit, he bows to each side of the stadium, offering his gratitude with an adorable smile. Shoma notices that Yuzu is sweating a little, that he looks a bit worn out, and he was slouching slightly. However, the smile on his face is pure and wholesome, a source of warmth in the cold stadium. He looks a little like an angel, bathed in the white light as he lets out a small giggle seeing the crowd go wild. His eyes meet with Yuzuru’s and he’s brought back down to Earth. Yuzuru started skating in his direction with a glint in his eyes and Shoma made a beeline for the exit, scared that he might embarrass him. He was about to exit the rink when he looked back. Yuzuru was whispering something to Javier Fernandez, leaning right next to his ear as the other wrapped his arm snugly around Yuzu’s waist. Yuzu giggled excitedly and gestured wildly around the rink as Javier gave Yuzuru a look. Nudging his shoulder, he slowly let go of Yuzu’s waist, tapping him on the side before skating off again, taking a lap around the rink in his home country. </p><p>Shoma turns away and leaves the rink, joining the conglomerate of skaters rushing to the change rooms. The thoroughfare is congested and noisy, but Shoma sees that it’s just a bunch of exhausted men and women eager to get piss drunk and he snorts. He’s surprised by the Shibutanis approaching him, greeting him with a friendly fist bump as Alex accompanies him to the change room, asking what he and Yuzu where talking about. Shoma almost wanted to laugh at the influence Yuzuru already had at a young age, but decided that he had to focus on not seeming illiterate in the meanwhile. As he changes out of his tight ass costume, he manages to form about two sentences in English. Alex gives him a patient smile the whole way through and walks him out of the change room in the direction of the hotel. They say their goodbyes at the lift and Shoma bows about 45 times the whole way through. He beams a little, feeling a little accomplished that a really really good ice dancer wanted to talk to him and his sad mop of hair. He reminds himself to thank Yuzuru later.</p><p>Sliding the keycard to his room, he couldn’t help but smile a little, glad that someone heard his silent struggle.</p><p>On the other hand, his struggle was not silent at the banquet, with Yuzuru deciding to parade him around like his newborn son at a baby shower. Gripping his shoulders like they were forming a conga line, Yuzu brought him around each and every table, introducing him to everyone as his baby protégé. He teased Shoma with a snicker the whole way through, talking about his weird tendency to stick out then retract his hand when he landed a jump, making him look like a cat. The smug grin on his face was undeniably a little cute, but Shoma also wanted to smack the ever-loving shit out of his senior. Introductions did not need to include embarrassing stories of his falls or the judging of his costumes when Yuzu’s costumes tended to look strikingly similar to rejected Pokémon concept art. </p><p>But at the same time, Yuzu praised his achievements and gave him a fond smile every now and then, even talking about how proud he was of Shoma and how he went and represented their home country. Those small moments of his inspiration and aspiration gloating about him to others were winsome and so genuinely nice Shoma hated it. He laughed as he walked around that night, familiarising himself with everyones names. Behind him, Yuzu tapped his back and screamed some weird victory chant as they moved to another table.</p><p>As the night drew to a close, Yuzu was still hanging on to him. The two of them danced with the rest of Team Japan as best as they could in their suits and dresses. They looked absolutely ridiculous and Shoma knew it but he felt weirdly…comfortable.</p><p>As Yuzu laughs at some random insult to his clunky, chunky suit, Shoma thinks to himself that he wants to make Yuzu feel as happy and content as he feels in the moment, and that even if he couldn’t make friends with anyone and everyone, he’d always have somewhere he belonged to, somewhere where he’d always feel safe. He feels giddy when they make eye contact, and he wants the moment to last forever. Eventually, he does get weary though, and Yuzuru, ever the angel, walks him to his room. Shoma tries and fails to ignore his heart going haywire as soon as he enters his room. He rolls on his bed like a teenage girl, muffling his squeals in his pillow because he feels…he feels wanted. His mind keeps flashing back to Yuzu’s arms around him, how his hand felt in his, his warmth, and his faint scent.</p><p>It’s the best day of his life.</p><p>The next morning, with a small spring in his step, Shoma sets off to Yuzu’s room, hoping to greet him and maybe ask him to go and get breakfast together. He’s not sure when he will see his senior again, so he wants to make the most of it. As the lift dings at the 5th floor and he steps out, he hears some whispers from around the corner. They sound like they’re in English, and Shoma silently hopes that he hasn’t somehow gotten himself caught in the midst of a gang war at 8 in the morning. Peering around the corner, he sees Yuzuru outside another’s room. He’s about to call for him when Fernandez emerges, a loopy grin on his face as his glasses slide down his nose a little. Yuzuru says something fondly in English and pokes at Fernandez’s cheek, who retaliates by tickling his waist. Yuzu wheezes and uses his best puppy eyes, begging for him to stop. Shoma can't exactly tell what they’re doing, but when he sees Fernandez take Yuzuru’s cheek in his palm and caress it with his fingers, Shoma leaves.</p><p>Shoma can’t understand why he feels a burn in his chest. He attributes it to the chocolate cake he got from Mihoko-sensei and thinks that he should work it off. He could always catch Yuzuru another time.</p><p>-</p><p>GPF 2015</p><p>Javier Fernandez is honestly such a sweet guy that he’s almost too kind for the harsh competitive environment. However, his skating is raw and dynamic, strong with a firm sense of pride and honesty, and Shoma can’t help but admire how he makes sure to connect with his music each and every time. He gets up quickly from his mistakes with a smile and radiates an infectious positive energy. At the various grand prix assignments Shoma is placed in, he’s often among the youngest and definitely the shortest. When he can’t find comfort in Yuzu or Keiji or other Japanese skaters, Javier always swoops in and pats his back, patiently listening to him and teasing him like a big brother despite Shoma speaking approximately 8 words. Shoma is grateful for him. As a competitor, he’s strong and consistent, a passionate rival. As a friend, he’s kind and extends a hand to everyone. Shoma wants to be like Javier.</p><p>Shoma really sees his positive influence at the grand prix final. Even with everyone tense as balls, he’s still trying to make everyone happy. He makes small talk with everyone and reassures them, giving out small tips and tricks freely, even helping some with their posture and position when landing jumps. He waves to Shoma at the venue, speaking slowly about his cat Effie, and Shoma smiles. He’s a saint, a human in heaven.</p><p>There is also a spirit in heaven, namely an angel to the saint. </p><p>The optimistic energy doubles when the two are together, a calming aura of sorts. Yuzuru and Javier are two peas in a pod and dominate as kings of the ice, but both are incredibly sweet at heart. They look out for everyone, and most of all, they look out for each other. Shoma notices that Javier suddenly looks a bit distracted from their conversation, and low and behold, Yuzuru is behind them. </p><p>“Javi is mean! Javi can’t randomly just leave me~” Yuzuru whines, running up to them, Pooh-san tucked under his arm.  He then makes eye contact with Shoma, making Shoma shiver a little. He lets out a small chuckle and waves. “Oh, hi Shoma, you’re too tiny, I didn’t see you. You going good? Any taller?” he asks, changing to Japanese. Shoma hopes Yuzuru doesn’t notice his blush as he nods hastily. Yuzuru grins and walks over to smoosh his cheeks, making Shoma groan and slap at his chest. Yuzu laughs and lets go, patting his head, then returning to look over at Javier, who’s already going for a hug. With a shy grin on both of their faces, they huddle together.</p><p>Shoma notices that Yuzuru slouches less around Javi, his smile is slightly wider, and he tends to lean towards him more. When Yuzu hugs him, he doesn’t go for the usual one arm on the back and the other loosely on the shoulders. He goes straight for the neck, wrapping his arms tightly around him as he squishes their faces together. Likewise, Javier goes the extra mile and trails further down the back, wrapping intimately around his small waist, occasionally extremely close to his ass. Shoma recounts one time where he tried to surreptitiously move his hands slightly lower, moving closer, but Yuzu just started giggling, telling him to stop tickling him. Shoma was almost offended that what he thought was a smooth move was interpreted by his crush as an attempt to tickle him.</p><p>Crush? Crush?</p><p>Yuzu-kun has always been a good role model and loyal albeit teasing friend. Yuzuru had always been pretty, elegant, beautiful, with grace but also with conviction, but that didn’t mean-</p><p>Shoma was not about to have an epiphany right before a huge competition, especially in front of said person he was having an epiphany over. As he watches the duo in front of him cradle each other, both unwilling to let go, he feels like he shouldn’t be there. They both act casual despite their intimate position, both of their body language practically screaming for even more contact, for the other to pull them closer. Javier’s kind brown eyes on Yuzuru’s white skin, his fingers tracing his back. Shoma wishes that he could trace Yuzuru’s back, hold him, protect and care for him, but at last…</p><p>They’re just competitors. Two skaters, from the same country, with camaraderie, but that’s it.</p><p>But Javier and Yuzuru are the same. Competitors, two skaters, from the same club, with camaraderie, but that’s it. Although Shoma doesn’t see Yuzuru as much as he hopes he could, he doesn’t want to just give up, not when he’s on equal ground.</p><p>1 hour before the grand prix final begins, Shoma realises him and Javier are competitors in more than one way, two parties striving for a goal that can’t be shared, where one’s gain is another’s loss.</p><p>Shoma is determined to do his best.</p><p>“Hey Yuzu-kun, shouldn’t you get changed for your warm up? I’m going to go change now, if you wanna come too.” Shoma inquires. Yuzuru pulls away from Javier quickly, almost dropping his Pooh.</p><p>“Ah that’s true, Brian might get mad at me if he realises I haven’t changed yet. Let’s go Shoma!” Yuzuru cheers, tugging Shoma’s arm as the head for the change room. He briefly says something to Javier, probably translating what they were saying. Javier gives him his trademark smile and waves them goodbye. As they are walking away, Shoma feels like sticking out his tongue at Javi.</p><p>So he does just that.</p><p>Javier lets out a laugh and gives him a knowing smile, mouthing the words “Good luck”, and Shoma knows that it’s not for just his skating later today.</p><p>-</p><p>Shoma isn’t nervous, more so just…wary. Mihoko often tells him of image training, and that before skating, he should try to imagine him performing his program in his head, from the quad toe loops to the triple axels to his favourite step sequences, all the way until the end.</p><p>Shoma thinks image training is bullshit.</p><p>He’s sure it works for some people, but every time he closes his eyes he just wants to sleep. He can try to imagine it, the feeling of sliding on the ice, the different changes of edges as he performs his choreography, but the emphasis is on try. Shoma’s one of those weirdos who can watch the skaters before him and not feel intimidated. As he watches Patrick Chan through the screen, he takes note of it all. Shoma wants to win, become a champion, and prove himself. So, he’ll learn from the best.</p><p>He cannot find the best in his head, sitting on a sofa, dazed in an attempt to imagine himself skating.</p><p>As Patrick finishes his skate and it’s time to head out, Shoma appreciates the stadium for a little bit. There are a sea of flags and banners with different names on them, and he’s incredibly honoured to see so many Japanese flags, as well as a number with his name on it. It’s sweet, even knowing half the Japanese flags were probably for his adorable senior. He gets on the ice, getting a feel of it and Mihoko once more tells him to close his eyes. Shoma has no clue why she was still trying to instils this sad image training regime. He’s about to interrupt when Mihoko gives him a knowing look.</p><p>“No, I’m not asking you to do image training. You probably just think of what weapon you should use next time you play games with Itsuki, I know.” she says and Shoma bites the inside of his cheek. He has no idea where she’s going with this, and hopes it’s not a personal attack on his game addiction. “Don’t think about yourself this time. I want you to ponder about what’s important to you. Think about who or what you’re skating for, what you’re trying to show, and I want you to carry that with you as you skate; to skate with meaning, and let everything else flow naturally.”</p><p>Shoma raises an eyebrow but complies, closing his eyes. At first, he jokingly thinks of steak. He thinks of kalbi beef with super beautiful marbling, and a bowl of warm white rice that comes with it. He thinks of Itsuki desperately shoving a grilled mushroom into his bowl as he refuses and punches at his shoulder, his parents pretending they don’t know either of them. His mind rests on that image of bantering between him and his brother and thinks about how Itsuki has always supported him, as bastardly as they are to each other on most occasions. He supposes he in part skates for Itsuki, the boy who has gotten him to where he his. He’s the one who helped translate for him in his travels despite being younger, helped him manage his time, and never looked down on him or his sport as “girly”, even as a resident jock who played field hockey. (like a loser. Imagine running? Disgusting.)</p><p>He thinks about more people important to him. His mom, his dad, his coaches Mihoko, Machiko and Takeshi, his close friends from school and many more. He wants to show them that their support isn’t in vain and prove that he can be someone they can be proud of. He thinks of his fellow skaters and friends like Keiji, who lets him sit on his lap and gives him attention, but also skates powerfully and with expression. His mind eventually drifts to an image of Yuzuru.</p><p>Ephemeral, stunning and elegant, Yuzu performs with passion, showing the true meaning of skating as he uses his whole body to tell a universal story. One day, Shoma wishes that he could be a skater like him. At the same time, he wishes to know more and more about him, to see what makes him who he is. He wants to make him feel safe and comfortable, like he can trust him and feel at home.</p><p>As the announcer calls out his name and he begins his skate, he imagines wrapping his arms around Yuzuru and feeling his muscled yet still somehow soft body. He imagines waking up and seeing Yuzuru next time him, smiling as he twirls Shoma’s hair with his fingers. He imagines both of them leaning in for something more, and the warmth that blossoms from it. He does his best to express this warmth as the notes of the music play, putting in his energy to express his feelings. As he launches into a quad flip, he hopes that his performance can speak to someone in the crowd, and possibly, to someone else backstage.</p><p>At the Kiss and Cry where his score is revealed, he finds that his free program was second to Patrick’s, but is proud that his overall score is over 10 points more than the Canadian, sending him into first place for now. He beams, sinking into Mihoko’s arms as the crowd roars. It wasn’t a perfect performance free from flaws, however, he tells Mihoko that he’s proud to have truly poured himself into that performance. His coach rests her head on his and they relax. She holds him close and tells him how proud she is, and that his name would rightfully be put on the map, in the spotlight. As they let go of each other and Javier is gearing up to go next, Shoma hopes that in every performance that comes after this, he can use this same level expression, and obviously buff up his technical elements over time of course. All things through, it was a pretty goddamn good performance at his first senior grand prix final.</p><p>He plonks down on the in the green room, looking at the Spaniard as he warmed up, cleanly landing a quad salchow and raising his fist victoriously. Javi was second in the short program to Yuzu, but then again Yuzuru had gone wild and broken the world record. The Spaniard looks calm for all the pressure, being the world champion and this competition being in his home country. As he moves into position to start his program, Shoma can’t help but compare himself to him. The distance, the level of difference between them was insurmountable. He was so close to each and everyone of Shoma’s goals. World champion? Check. Olympian? Check. Insanely attractive? Check. Close to Yuzuru? Definitely, more than anyone. As Javier smoothly transitioned into his quad toe loop and eased right in and out of it, Shoma’s amazed that he’s even managed to come remotely close to him before. With his signature smile, he goes into his quad salchow combination, then a triple axel. Less than a minute into his program he has the whole audience clapping, entranced by his charm, and Shoma felt the same. He admires the energy his skating brings to everyone.</p><p>It’s an amazing performance, with beautiful flow and clean jumps, one of a kind, and that is Javier Fernandez. </p><p>He landed all his 3 planned quadruple jumps easily and scored 201.43 points. The crowd roared with energy Shoma had never seen, everyone glad to see the country’s sweetheart deliver with style once again. Javier’s eyes were wide and he was excitedly bouncing around. After all, he had just become the second skater in history to receive over 200 points in the free skate. Javier was still partially in shock as he reached the green room. Patrick approached him for a hug, which he took gratefully, all smiles as he laughed, patting Patrick’s back. He then turned to Shoma and sat next to him, grin wild. </p><p>“You were so…very good. I'm proud! You like…super champion!” Shoma manages to squeeze out in English and Javier then high fives him.</p><p>“Thank you, I’m so proud of you too. You deserve to medal, you’re insane!” Javi replies kindly, patting his shoulders. “This whole competition, at such a high level, it really makes me proud to be a skater, you know? Everyone’s amazing, and I’m just honoured to be able to display myself here.”</p><p>Shoma nods as they both lean back into the couch. Shoma is glad to know him. Javier is such a good natured soul and he can’t think of anyone with his amount of charm on the ice, except…</p><p>“Next to skate, Yuzuru Hanyu!” the announcer states as the cries from the audience echo throughout the stadium. Yuzuru finishes his warming up and Shoma’s breath hitches. He looks really good with his hair slicked to the side, and the Seimei costume glitters throughout the whole stadium. He slaps the boards and shakes hands with Brian, then glides to the centre, closing his eyes as he writes the character for warrior on his chest. He gets into position and the stadium is silent. The sound of Yuzuru taking in a breath echoes through the stadium. The taiko starts the rhythm as the nohkan brings in the melody. </p><p>Shoma watches as Yuzuru moves effortlessly, and with intricate transitions and his stupidly hard entry, launches into his quad salchow. The quad toe that follows is also beautiful, and the flip is cleaner than Shoma could ever hope for. HIs combination spin is fast but graceful, and the biellman makes Shoma’s weak heart skip a beat. The whole arena is entranced and enamoured, eyes glued to the man who succeeds expectations each and every time. Quad toe, triple axel, triple loop, triple lutz, Yuzuru is nailing every jump. He’s flying so serenely and Shoma feels that warm, content sensation in his chest. As he does his second spin leading into his choreography sequence, Shoma’s on the edge of his seat. The music reaches it’s climax and Yuzu flings his arms to the side. Skating across the ice, the audience is in shambles and so is Shoma. The hydroblade is dynamic, almost histrionic, and the gorgeous ina bauer is something he can’t get enough of. Yuzu rushes into action for the final spin, arms outstretched as he moves with the music. The nohkan sounds resoundingly as he executes his finish pose, proud and resolute.</p><p>The stadium erupts into a cacophony of applause, cheering, whooping and hollering for the man who just stole the night, already filled with so much excellent skating. Every element was executed to perfection. Shoma can only marvel in shock as Yuzuru bows to the audience, and looking at the Patrick and Javier beside him, they aren’t fairing any better.</p><p>Looking at the screen, Shoma sees that Yuzuru looks worn out, but somehow still beautiful. A droplet of sweat runs down his neck and Shoma goes to take a sip of water, wrenching off the cap with force. He then notices that the camera is now focused on him and Javier too. Yuzuru waves shyly and in response, Javier is on his knees, bowing to him. Yuzuru giggles and Brain smiles knowingly, patting Yuzu’s back. As the score is about to be announced, the crowd is tense, hyped for the sure to be gigantic score, but scared nonetheless.</p><p>Two weeks before, no one had ever gotten over 300 points in total.</p><p>Now, not only had Yuzuru Hanyu done that twice, but he had crushed that threshold, with 330.43 points to his name. Shoma is in shock. He is over 50 points behind the 21-year-old, and rightfully so. The performance was beyond anything he had ever seen, and Shoma bites back a nervous smirk, scared, but anticipating what else this incredible man could do. Yuzuru is crying on his Pooh bear and can only stare in disbelief, shaking as he frantically wiped at his tears before looking to Brain in distress, asking, “Why am I crying?”</p><p>As Yuzuru slowly picks himself up, Shoma is once again reaffirmed of the work he has to do, as well as just how strong and beautiful his senior really is.</p><p>-</p><p>At the medal ceremony, Yuzuru’s name is called first. He’s beaming, grinning like a cheshire cat as he waves to his fans in the audience, taking his time to soak in the energy of the crowd as he rightfully should, having achieved over 300 points. In time with the music, he skates to the podium dramatically before jumping onto it with force. He laughs, then turns around and bows once again, waving to everyone. Shoma’s eyes soften seeing how excited he is, and for a second, as Yuzuru glances in the direction where he and Javier are standing, Shoma feels like a proud dad seeing his little kid grow up. The crowd starts to quiet down, but Yuzuru starts it up again by cheering loudly, yelling “WOOOHOOO” and clapping as the announcer called Javier onto the rink.</p><p>Javier skates smoothly onto the ice, skating up to the podium and saying hi to the audience, smiling from ear to ear. A girl in the front row bursts into tears as he bows to the stands, and Shoma wonders how Javier’s feeling at the moment, being in his home country. He skates over to Yuzuru, who extends his hand for a bro fist. Javier sighs fondly and smacks his hand with force, and before he can complain, pulls Yuzuru in for a tight hug. Shoma’s breath hitches as Javi whispers something in Yuzuru’s ear making him giggle, still holding onto Yuzuru’s waist as they locked eyes. They let go after what feels like forever, and Javier steps up onto his platform, smile wide and standing strong. The crowd goes quiet again and Yuzuru looks back at Shoma, giving him a smile, slapping Shoma awake and back to reality as he smiles back. and taps his feet impatiently. When his name is called, he skates onto the rink with vigour, going a bit past the middle in his excitement as he tried to wave to every corner of the stadium. He locks eyes with a boy in the crowd shyly waving a Japanese flag and gives him his best smile before turning back to the podiums.</p><p>There stands Yuzuru, tall and proud, but with kind and soft eyes. Shoma skates up to him slowly and as he approaches, notices just how tall Yuzuru is on the podium. He seems to have blanked out for a bit as he hears Yuzuru giggle. Yuzuru extends his hand for a handshake, which he takes gratefully, then leans into him and pulls him in for a fond hug, and Shoma feels a little embarrassed that he keeps rambling praise into his ear, something about this being his first year in the senior circuit. He eventually lets go and ushers Shoma towards Javi. He and Javi shake hands and he bows bashfully, rushing to take his place on the podium.</p><p>The medals are brought in by some important person he should probably know and he accepts it graciously, trying to hold the flowers and weird plushie thing without dropping them onto the ice. He was grateful, but it was a lot to hold. He imagined dropping the plushie and it doing a triple axel better than he could and he barely holds back a snort, taking the stiff and awkward photo with all the men and women in business suits. Yuzuru then taps him, gesturing for him to step up onto the podium. Awkwardly, Shoma squishes onto the edge of the podium, struggling to hold everything as he’s smooshed next to Yuzuru. Next to him, Yuzuru wraps his arm around Javier’s waist and he does the same back, both pulling each other closer. Shoma is utterly confused as to why he was needed if they just wanted to tickle each other’s asses until they fell, so he just stands there looking uncomfortable next to them, looking towards the camera.</p><p>“No Shoma, Shoma that’s wrong,” Yuzuru suddenly says to him, looking at his arms. </p><p>Bewildered, Shoma lets out a small “eh?” and stares confusedly at his senior. </p><p>“Put your arm over here,” Yuzuru says, gesturing to his free arm holding the flowers. So Shoma does that and loops his arm through Yuzuru’s. When he starts laughing like a maniac Shoma wonders what he’s done this time. “Shoma why are you holding onto my arm?” he says. Shoma unhooks his arm as Yuzu continues guffawing like an idiot, Javier barely holding back a snicker. Yuzu starts again, miming the action as he smirks, saying “Okay look at me. Go around, go around, this isn’t a wedding ceremony! Put it around!"</p><p>Shoma fumbles with the flowers as he wraps his arm around Yuzuru’s back, frantically spitting out, “Oh, okay okay okay.”</p><p>“Why did you link our arms? What are you doing?” Yuzu laughs, leaning towards him as Shoma bursts into a fit of embarrassed laughter. He tries to contain his giggles as the photographer snaps some quick photos, but as he tilts his head to see Yuzu, he sees him shaking, trying to contain his laugh. Their eyes meet and Shoma can’t help but start cackling, seeing Yuzuru not fairing any better as the ISU officials look on in mild disappointment, making them crack up even more. Eventually, they step down from the podium and Yuzu slaps his shoulder playfully, eyes fond and comforting as he calms down.</p><p>Shoma feels that familiar warm feeling envelope him from head to toe, like it’s hugging him tightly, and as Yuzuru skates away, he finds himself wanting to trace his back gently. He follows after, hoping for that small, small chance, that that moment would remain important to not only him, but Yuzuru too, for a long, long time.</p><p>-</p><p>The banquet was an absolute rave. Half of the skaters still had not come down from the high that was the amazing competition, and the amount of screaming in that one dining hall was unbelievable, only ever quiet during the occasional speech and performance. Shoma noticed that so many people went up to Yuzuru to take pictures that he almost had a line of people following him, all eager to snap a photo with the man of the night. So he’s incredibly honoured when Yuzu runs up to him, iPod in hand, asking to take a selfie. The man is jumping around hyperactively and its dangerous levels of adorable seeing him cling onto his arms and sway left and right.</p><p>“Shoma please please please! Just one, okay? Just one~” Yuzu pouts, giving Shoma his best puppy eyes as Shoma barely manages to keep his composure. He clear his throat and tries to detract from the situation but Yuzuru practically throws himself onto him, so close that he can feel his breath tickles his neck. Shoma shivers but pretends to struggle against him, trying to get him off. He feels Yuzuru’s breath tickle his throat again and his heart is leaping out of its chest.</p><p>It smells like orange juice.</p><p>Trust only Yuzuru Hanyu to get hyper…over orange juice...</p><p>Needing to get out of the compromising situation, Shoma quickly squealed, “Yuzu-kun, why…why do you still use an iPod? You’re my senior but you’re not a senior citizen, are you?” </p><p>“Shoma! I’m not a grandma, that’s rude! I thought you were on my side!” he squeaks, offended. “Maybe I won’t take a photo with you then, since I’m too old,”</p><p>“I’m joking, I’m joking!” Shoma replies, “I’ll take a photo with you if you calm down and stop jumping on me, alright? I don’t want to get crushed and flattened by you before we even take the photo."</p><p>Yuzuru retorted, “I’m very calm thank you very much! Also, are you saying I’m fat?”</p><p>Sighing, Shoma looked him in the eye and responded, “Look, we can take a cute selfie together, just take it easy and calm down…”</p><p>Yuzuru continued in his almost drunk like stupor, “You didn’t deny that I’m fat! You think I’m fat!”</p><p>“Are you drunk off the orange juice? I know you can get a sugar rush but this is just melodramatic!” Shoma answered. Yuzuru stepped away from him, folding his arms around his chest.</p><p>“Again! You avoided it again! Shoma, that’s really mean…I’m not the skinniest person alive, but I’m not…I’m not so heavy that I’m gonna crush you!” he mumbled, looking at the ground.</p><p>“Yuzuru I didn’t mean it like that, don’t get carried away.” Shoma responded, Yuzuru looking up to meet his eyes. Shoma knew he was being unnecessarily dramatic and needy (and possibly drunk on orange juice of all things), but he couldn’t help but feel something tug at his heartstrings seeing the usually composed man so soft and sad. Quietly, he carried on, insisting, “You’re not fat or anything like that. You’re…you’re really fit and well-built, and you have a nice body. And you’re pretty, and stuff.”</p><p>Yuzuru’s face lit up instantly. He stepped close to him again, an irritatingly smug grin creeping up on his face as he smirked, “You think I look pretty?”</p><p>“Oh no, don’t you make this-“</p><p>“Aw Shoma! I never knew you were such a sweetheart!” Yuzuru cried, draping his arms around Shoma and pulling him into his chest. “You think I have a nice body and look really fit, that’s so sweet! And you think I’m beautiful!”</p><p>“I didn’t say-“</p><p>“No need to be shy, I always knew my charm was irresistible! I’m honoured my little junior is always looking at me, enough to think my body is well-built! What a good kid you are!” Yuzuru went on incessantly. Shoma frustratedly punched at his shoulders, prodding them angrily.</p><p>“Can we just take the photo already?” Shoma whined, flustered. “And no more baiting me into these…these situations!”</p><p>“Alright sweetie I got you, I won’t embarrass you anymore.” Yuzuru teased, tugging his ear lightly. Then, he whipped out his iPod and crouched down next to Shoma. "Okay, smile for the camera. A nice smile please!” he told Shoma, making him giggle. They took a few selfies in their clumsy suits, giggling the whole way through. “Good, I think I’ve got a couple nice pictures!”</p><p>“Please let me free. Please, I’m begging you.” Shoma suggested, secretly not wanting him to let go. Yuzuru patted his back a few times then let go of him.</p><p>“Okay, I’m going to go and hang out with the Americans. They wanted a dance battle and they’re sure as hell going to get one.” Yuzuru proposed. “Oh, and I’ll send you the photos later. We look nice.”</p><p>“I won’t hold you any longer. I’ll go torture Boyang or something.” Shoma remarked as Yuzuru wheezed. Yuzuru then turned around to walk away, only making it a few steps before spinning around and facing Shoma again, approaching him with a teasing smile. He scooted over to Shoma and whispered into his ear:</p><p>“I think you’re pretty too Shoma.”</p><p>Yuzuru then giggled and chortled, waving goodbye to Shoma as he went in the opposite direction, immediately latching onto Alex.</p><p>Shoma stood in place for a while, face a bright shade of red and shaking slightly, hand clutching his right ear, the ear Yuzuru whispered into. Shoma let out an embarrassing squeal and covered his eyes with his hands, pacing around before deciding to sit in a corner, face still blushing uncontrollably as his entire body felt warmer and warmer.</p><p>His crush had called him pretty. The man he liked thought he was somewhat attractive.</p><p>Boyang found him later in the corner and had to kick him in the shins to get a response. The response he got was an elbow jab to the stomach, but hey, at least Shoma woke up.</p><p>-</p><p>Shoma left the banquet in a good mood. After the attack from Boyang he said hi to his livestream on whatever chinese app it was, and later, he managed to actually hold a conversation with Nathan for once. Although he was one year older than him, his jumps were insanely clean and were practically his height, and he admired his flawless technique. He was lucky that Nathan was understanding and didn’t run away through all the awkward pauses as he tried to find the English word for eggs in his miserable attempt at small talk. All things through, it was a fun day and a fun night, and he couldn’t wait to get some sleep. Social interaction was fun in moderation, and right now, his battery was drained.</p><p>The lift doors opened to his floor as Shoma yawned, rubbing his eyes as he headed in the direction of his room. Suddenly, he heard a weird cry. He felt a weird sense of deja vu, concerned that maybe he had actually gotten himself into a gang war this time. What did you know, he saw Yuzuru outside his suite, which would not be too alarming in it of itself, except…</p><p>Javi was pinning him against the wall, leg sandwiched in between Yuzu’s thighs, their foreheads touching. It was such an intimate position that, as much as Shoma did not want to think about it, it could not be seen as platonic in any way. Both parties were breathing heavily, gazes dark and intense as Javier licked his lips. </p><p>“I really missed you the whole of the banquet.” Javier asserted, voice low and husky. “All I wanted was to have you in my arms, wrap you in them, but you were flittering around to every table the whole time.”</p><p>Yuzuru softly commented, “I talk to you at the start of the banquet. Also, the banquet is not a very long time. Why you miss me even though it really short?”</p><p>Javier almost growled. Shoma’s eyes widened as he saw Javier nuzzle into Yuzuru’s neck, leg pressing Yuzuru even more firmly against the wall. “You know what you were doing. You were all over everyone, hugging and clinging to everyone like your life depended on it. Especially Shoma, you kept flirting with him and pulling him to you the whole time you were next to him.” he snarled. “Were you trying to make me jealous?”</p><p>“Did it work?” Yuzuru teased, finger tips tracing down Javier’s side.</p><p>Shoma didn’t know where to look. He felt out of place, like he was seeing something incredibly private, and he felt almost tortured, like they were trying to tear at his heart piece by piece. But he couldn’t draw his eyes away, as much as it hurt him to continue watching. The warm feeling in his heart was fading away, with an awful sinking feeling settling in. Why did they have to do this in public? Why did they have to taunt and tease and laugh at him like this?</p><p>Why couldn’t it be him?</p><p>Javier grabbed and squeezed at Yuzuru’s thighs, hands slowly sliding up as Yuzuru bit his lip, still not breaking eye contact. Yuzu let out a small whine as Javier squeezed his ass roughly, pulling in even closer as Javier grinded against him, breath heavy. He kissed up Yuzu’s neck and licked at his Adam’s apple, keeping up the pace as Yuzuru let out a small moan.</p><p>“You know you’re mine, right? Only mine,” Javier whispered. “so I think you deserve a little punishment tonight.”</p><p>“I’m all yours, Javi.” Yuzuru murmured. “I love you."</p><p>Shoma doesn’t know why that’s the moment when the pang in his heart feels the strongest. He doesn’t know why he’s still there, tormenting himself.</p><p>“I love you too."</p><p>They both lean in, sealing their lips together with a tender kiss, and that’s when Shoma has to leave. His stomach was aching and he was struggling to breathe, each memory of the coupling shoving the dagger in his chest deeper and deeper in.</p><p>He should have seen it coming. All the gentle touches and caresses, all the shared moments where they couldn’t stop laughing, all the people teasing and talking about them. He was just in denial, refusing to admit it because of his own feelings. As he tries to run away as fast as he could, he feels like his soul has been broken into a million pieces. His breathing gets heavier and heavier and he drops to his knees, losing energy as a wave of emotion comes over him. He doesn’t know what it is, but he decides to call it heartbreak as he feels himself being trampled, burned and discarded.</p><p>Those moments meant nothing. They were just wishful thinking. His feelings were not requited. His first love liked someone else, and was committed to them and only them.</p><p>He can’t even bring himself to tears because he feels almost…empty. He’s in a state of shock and he doesn’t know what to do. He looks at his hand and sees the hand of someone who wasn’t chosen, someone who wasn’t enough, and someone too boring to even consider being worthy. He feels useless, sitting on the floor of a hotel hallway as his heart is ripped out and squeezed.</p><p>“S-Shoma? Is that you?” a voice called out.</p><p>Shoma wants to punch himself in the face as he turns around and sees Yuzuru. He looks undeniably pretty, even slightly disheveled, from the acts he had been doing-</p><p>He can’t bring himself to think of it again. The warmth, the warmth he so desperately craved, and the source of that warmth being in front of him right then and there. He can’t say anything, he can’t move, and he can’t process what is happening. He’s spiralling downwards in the middle of a dingy hallway, unable to-</p><p>“I’m sorry you had to see that! Javi just got a bit excited and…God I’m so embarrassed, I’m really sorry.” Yuzuru apologised, waving his hands frantically.</p><p>Even panicked, he’s so soft, so precious, so warm. </p><p>Shoma hates it so much, how everything is laughing at him and his misfortune. But he can’t shake it away. His feelings belong to him, and him alone.</p><p>“It’s fine. I- I know things happen when tension’s high.” he manages to squeeze out. Yuzuru stares back at him with concerned eyes as he squats down next to him, pushing a stray strand of hair away from his face. “I’m not judging you for li- liking men, yeah, anything, not like that. I won’t, I promise promise promise, I won’t tell anyone. I’m happy you’re happy.” he stutters out.</p><p>Yuzuru’s mouth opens to say something, but then closes again. Shoma looks up and sees Yuzu tearing up a little before flinging himself into Shoma’s arms, enveloping in warmth that he wasn’t sure he’d feel for a long time.</p><p>“Thank you Shoma, thank you so much. I was a bit panicked when I saw someone, but knowing you, I should have known it would be okay.” Yuzuru sniffles out, a soft smile decorating his face. “Thank you for trusting me. I’m so grateful I have someone as kind and sweet as you on my side. You make me feel so comfortable, so now, knowing that you know a part of me I…I haven’t talked to many about, I’m just so happy to have you.”</p><p>“You’re so strong, and I’m glad you are fin- finding where your happiness lies.”</p><p>Shoma doesn’t know what else he can say without exposing himself, just taking in Yuzuru’s presence, his body in his arms. He tightens his grip around him, trying to tell him through his hug all the things he wishes to say but is too cowardly to do so.</p><p>“Thank you for accepting me, that means the world to me. That makes me feel safe, and I really needed that.” Yuzuru whispers, patting Shoma’s head, and Shoma is conflicted. It should be him saying this to Yuzu, the man who welcomed him with open arms and gave him the comfort he needed.</p><p>“You’ve done a lot more for me. Don’t worry about it Yuzu-kun. You’ll always be Yuzu-kun to me, and always be a- a role model, for me, that is.” he utters out.</p><p>The smile Yuzuru gives him is the warmest he’s ever gotten, and he feels the most at home he has ever felt.</p><p>“Thank you. Thank you so much. I needed this, so so much.” Yuzuru thanks him gently, taking his hand into his as he lets out a soft chuckle. “We should do something together, sometime before our next competition.”</p><p>“I’ll treat you to ice cream. That sound nice?” Shoma suggests feebly.</p><p>“Oh, that almost sounds like a date! But yeah, sure, of course!” Yuzuru beams innocently.</p><p>Shoma closes his eyes. He wants to cry, he wants to burst into tears and yell, scream, shriek, let all of it out. He hates this frustration, knowing that he could never attain what he truly wanted, and that attempting to do so would just hurt the both of them in the long run.</p><p>But as he sees Yuzuru smile that angelic smile, he smiles too. Because even if he can’t have him in the way he wants to, being able to give Yuzuru comfort is more than enough. He wants to repay all the warmth Yuzuru had kindly given him tenfold, and he wants to treasure him, protect him. Whether that be as a friend or as a lover, he just wanted to support the man he admired, and to give him a place to turn to when times where rough. </p><p>His heart might take a while to mend, but having a bond, a real connection was more important than a relationship slowly building up, only to end up becoming hollow, feelings only present on one side. As long as they could share those precious moments and he could see his beautiful smile, Shoma was happy. Feeling his warmth, that was more than enough.</p><p>As he wipes at a warm tear running down Yuzuru’s cheek, he’s content, and all Shoma can think is that Yuzuru Hanyu really is so, so beautiful.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading this disaster. Really, thanks for sticking around, this was just a random splurge of words. I wrote this during 2 AM fever dream and the grammar...I do not care anymore. </p><p>Shoma is a sweetie pie with a big heart and deserves the world. And so do you. Enjoy your day, you dumb ass.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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